Return on Life: Avoid Jumping to Conclusions

As I watched the story unfold this past week about Tennessee Titans' quarterback Vince Young, I was reminded of one of life's basic rules: don't jump to conclusions. When the first reports came out that police had been called to help locate Young and that Young had been found with friends, just chilling out, there was immediate backlash at the overreaction by Coach Fisher and the authorities. It wasn't until several days later as more detailed information was revealed that it became clear that there was cause for concern.

We see this over and over as the haste to be first with the news results in publishing only half the story. But my point is not to berate reporters and news outlets (not this time around!). Stop and think about how often you react to someone else's actions by saying or thinking, "What a stupid thing to do", or some version of that thought. Is it possible you don't fully understand that person's situation or thought process? One manner of treating others with respect is to begin with the assumption that they came to their current conclusion through some logical thought process. You might not understand that process, therefore their reasoning or decision might not make sense to you, but I'll be you can gain more understanding if you ask.

Reduce your stress level by avoiding the temptation to jump to conclusions. Ask a few more questions, and all may become clear. And, if you think someone is making a bad decision, understanding their thought process in making it will facilitate helping them consider an alternative!

Return on Life: Be "in the moment"

Life coach Diana Fletcher (www.dianafletcher.com) teaches us that less multitasking is actually better for us. I had a reminder this week of just how true that is. This past Wednesday morning I was in a hotel room in Flushing, NY, getting dressed and ready for a presentation at 8:00 a.m. At 7:20, I finished the oatmeal and coffee I'd had delivered to save time, and stepped outside the room to set the tray in the hallway outside. You can probably guess what the next sound was that I heard. Exactly. The click of the door to my room as it shut behind me! Did I mention I was traveling alone? There I stood, thankfully clothed except that I was in my stocking feet. No ID, no room key.

I realized at that moment that I had let my mind become too busy thinking about the presentation. You see, I'm normally the one that checks three times to be certain that my keys are in my pocket, every time I leave the house. And probably check four times when I'm away from home! But because I was not thinking about what I was doing, I didn't even think about the fact that the door would close if I took one more step to the left...

Fortunately, they sent security up (quickly, I might add) and allowed me to show my ID AFTER he let me in the room, so I didn't have to traipse down to the marbled hotel lobby in my bare feet. However, by not paying attention to what I was doing--not staying in the moment-- cost me between 10-15 minutes that would had been valuable at that point in time and helped me feel more calm as I headed down for my presentation.

As you go through your day, stop and think: Are you living in the moment, or are you caught up in a past or future moment. Focus on where you are now, one thing at a time. It will lower your stress level and increase your return on life!

Return on Life: Link Goals to Core Values

In order to set meaningful goals that you truly care about achieving, you need to ensure that there is a link between your goals/actions and your core values. A college professor in a workshop I conducted recently for a small college in West Virginia provides a perfect example of this. We'd gone through an exercise where each individual identified the 5 values that resonated most with them, then identified a goal for the coming year. The next step was to consider whether the goal had a link back to one or more of the values.

One professor offered that at first glance, his goal didn't match up, but in his mind, he could see the link. Here's what he said: "I have a goal of improving my health. My top value is achievement in my field. At first glance, those don't seem exactly related, but I know that my health is becoming an issue."

He had it exactly right! He realizes that he has to take some steps to improve his health, and that it is important to him because if he doesn't, he will not be able to live his highest value of achievement. Each time he takes a step to improve his health (eat a proper meal, exercise, etc.), he should remind himself that he is doing it so that he will be healthy enough to continue to advance and achieve in his field. That's the core value that will drive him. For someone else, health in and of itself might be the highest value, but for him, it's the achievement. By making the link in his own mind, he'll be more motivated to stick to his "get healthy" goal.

What goals do you have? Can you link them back to a core value for yourself? Let me know what you think!

Return on Life: Taking a toll?

Passing through a toll booth on the Pennsylvania Turnpike (at least at the Cranberry and Monroeville exits) is such a pleasant experience. And no, I'm not being sarcastic! No matter what time of day or which lane I use, the tolltaker always greets me in a friendly manner, smiles, and happily agrees to provide a receipt. Why am I pointing this out? Because it didn't used to be that way.

When I first moved to Pittsburgh in 1998, most of the tolltakers were grumpy and barely spoke when you went through. One groused at me about handing him small change for a $.75 toll, "I'd have rather you handed me a twenty," he grumped! But that's all changed, and it's a study of what can happen when you DECIDE to change your perspective and your manner of interacting.

This change in attitude came about after the tolltakers went on strike a few years ago, complaining that they were underpaid, lacked in benefits, etc. So the managers of the tolltakers began working the toll booths and offered for the tolltakers to either come back to work under the current conditions or find other jobs. It happens that I am familiar with the pay scale and benefits of tolltakers, and the managers were right in this case, by any stretch of the imagination. Pretty quickly, the strike was over and the tolltakers were back at work and even stated at the time that they hadn't realized how good they have it. And I began to notice immediately how much friendlier they were--the happiness showed.

Their attitudes changed because their perspective changed. They are not just acting more content, they truly are. They DECIDED that their jobs had many positive aspects and were something to be appreciated. Think about yourself. Concentrate on something that is a negative in your life. Is your perspective out of whack? Can you DECIDE to have a more positive perspective? Give it some thought--you might be surprised what you come up with!

Return on Life: What can we learn from "What not to Wear"?

As you watch the 2008 Summer Olympics, keep your eye out for U.S. swimmer Tara Kirk. Tara was the focus of a "What not to Wear" makeover which aired July 25, and she'll be looking great! "What not to Wear" fascinates me, partly due to the great fashion ideas, but even more so from the psychological aspect. I love watching the transformation the participants go through in one week in terms of the psyche as much as their physical appearance. And many of them accomplish the transition kicking and screaming all along the way.

That's where Tara was different, and it's a great lesson in the difference your attitude makes. Her appearance was transformed as much as any other guest on the show. But her attitude was in the right place from the start. Instead of arguing that a certain style wouldn't work, or having a meltdown when she tried something Stacey and Clint suggested, she listened to their suggestions, internalized the dos and dont's, and when the first few items didn't work, she kept trying--without getting emotional about it. It was not difficult to see why she is an Olympic athlete. She approached change with an open mind and persevered in the face of obstacles.

Think about your own reaction to change. Do you go along, but only under duress, or do you embrace the possibilities and treat it as an opportunity for improvement? Do you give it one shot, but then immediately abandon the whole idea if it doesn't immediately work out? The same attitude that helped Tara make the U.S. Olympic swim team can help you soar in your life as well!

Return on Life: Be a leader, not a complainer

How often do we all read or hear a news account of a talented star athlete gone wrong? Literally on a daily basis, we read about DUIs, assaults, drug related arrests and more from professional athletes. We shake our heads and sigh, or complain--and move on with our lives. One former professional athlete has decided to DO something about it. Michael Irvin, former Dallas Cowboys superstar and NFL Hall of Famer--and former bad boy himself--has, over the past several years mentored several of the current NFL problem players. And now he's gone a step beyond that.

He convinced NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to bring all the NFL rookies to Hall of Fame activities in Canton, OH. By doing so, he hopes to help these young players grasp the bigger picture earlier on in their careers. And Goodell enthusiastically agreed. Irving is choosing to be a leader.

Think about people and situations that are not going the way you believe they should. Are you merely complaining, or is there a way you can influence the situation? Complaining and casting blame is much easier, but by making the choice to be a leader, you can truly help create a better Return on Life for everyone involved!

Return on Life: Enjoy the Journey

I wrote last about having to adjust my "get fit and stay healthy" goal for the year. I had planned to accomplish that goal through running, including a half marathon in the fall. That plan has been interrupted, if not completely trashed, by a nagging Achilles tendon issue. To stay active while I allow the tendon to heal, I've begun swimming.

I remember my father teaching me to swim, and how scary it was, at 5 years old, to push off the side to kick and float without support for the first time, with him standing probably only ten feet away, arms outstretched. He had to reassure me several times that he would be there to catch me--and he was! From that point on, I spent hours and hours at our local outdoor pool in the summer and at an indoor Olympic-size indoor pool year round as a teen. I even taught swimming lessons (the four and five year-olds were the most fun!). But then came a period of my life where I just didn't swim. For many years I was just involved in other activities and didn't spend much time around a pool.

Being forced to make the transition back to swimming has reminded me how much I love it. I love the water, the sound of the voices echoing indoors, and the squealing children playing in the cold water with the hot sun. Think about activities you used to enjoy as a child, teen, even young adult that you have not done for awhile. Identify something that used to please you to be involved in, and give it a shot again. You may have forgotten how much enjoyment you gained from it. If you're like me, you may reconnect with an activity that truly increases your enjoyment of the journey of reaching a personal goal!