Return on Life: In Difficult Times, Choose to Lead

I've been reading lately about workplace negativity. Given our current economic climate, workplace negativity is on the rise and it costs companies millions each year in productivity. One book in particular focuses on how to build a workplace with high morale ("Building a High Morale Workplace" by Anne Bruce). The book includes a discussion of the two types of managers that emerge in a crisis: those that get stuck in the crisis, unable to rebound from it, and those who rise above it all, refusing to be defeated.

Clearly, the managers who rise above help everyone around them move through the crisis more quickly. They do it by being well prepared, knowing how to mobilize help quickly, and by deliberately drawing on the passion, energy and inspiration of those around them. They keep everyone well informed and tell the truth. So by being proactive and focusing on what is going well and what can be done going forward to deal with the situation, rather than dwelling on what has gone wrong, they help everyone become more productive again much more quickly.

What I realized as I read this is that it is not just the manager (or other official leader) who can take on this role. Even if you are not the official leader of a team dealing with difficult times, you can be an "unofficial" leader by adopting the same attitudes of proactivity and looking toward the future. In this difficult economic time, the stress and strain of lost jobs, increased work load due to reductions in staff, and limited access to credit, focus on being part of the solution. Be sure you don't get stuck in the worry and negativity, but focus your time and attention on what IS good (and there's a LOT that is), and what can be done to deal with the problem areas.

You'll be amazed at how your mood lifts, and the effect it has on everyone around you - at work AND at home!

Return on Life: Play hooky without the guilt!

I am a huge proponent of planning your time. Every week, spend an hour planning strategically and tactically for the week ahead. Every day, spend a few minutes making tactical adjustments. Then, to increase your return on life, play hooky occasionally!

One of my three brothers, the one who lives about a 4 hour drive away, called late Wednesday evening. Thursday was a day off for him, and he needed to get out of town. The Pittsburgh Pirates were playing at home that day, so he called to check the weather, considering a day-trip to see the game. As I was checking on the weather, I began thinking "I only have one meeting and it's in the morning. I could go with him!" So I did. We had a great day: the weather was beautiful, we got free t-shirts, and we thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. Pirates lost, but I didn't expect perfection from the day.

But here's the key to playing hooky without regrets: Before I made the decision to take off and "play" on Thursday, I looked at what I was supposed to be getting done that day and decided when I was going to do it instead. I didn't just leave to it to chance that I could absorb it somewhere along the way. Given some current constraints on my schedule, a good chunk of it will need to get done this Sunday. But that's perfectly ok. It's a perfectly acceptable tradeoff for spending time with my brother, which happens to infrequently. And it was great to do it without feeling guilty about the work I wasn't getting done.

So, plan your time carefully, allow yourself some spontaneity without guilt, and still stay on track for your goals!

Return on Life: There's always a positive side. Really.

Today started out as "one of those days". You know, the kind that can make you wish you had just stayed in bed. The kind that usually result in a grumpy mood and nastiness to those around you.

It began as I went downstairs, on my way out the door for a meeting. I'd made it halfway down when my foot got caught in my pant leg and I came that close to taking the remaining steps headfirst. Instead, I just pulled a muscle in my back.

Then I drove to Panera Bread, bought a hot Ginger Peach Tea and sat down to wait for the other person to appear. Before I even took a drink of the tea, I knocked the whole thing over (fortunately away from rather than on me). It sure takes lots of napkins to sop up an entire to-go cup of tea.

When I left Panera, I stopped by the grocery store on the way home to buy a couple of items, including a bottle of balsamic vinegar. Made it home ok, got out of the car, picked up the bag with the balsamic vinegar, and dropped it on the garage floor (darn leather gloves). Smash! All that beautiful balsamic vinegar all over the place. And it's not even 10:30 a.m. yet.

You haven't lived until you've mopped your garage floor in 18 degree temperature, cleaning up a substance that's about the same color as the oil and dirt already there from the messy winter we're having. I'd have loved to have waited, but it's not supposed to warm up for a week, and although I love balsamic vinegar on my salad, that fragrance is definitely not a positive addition to an enclosed garage. A little too much of a good thing, I guess.

After finishing the mopping, and washing the other groceries that were covered with balsamic vinegar as well, I decided to just sit at my desk and touch as few items as possible, since they were bound to end up being spilled, broken, or at least just on the floor. Other than the usual fighting with the computer to get it to cooperate, it's calmed down since then, thank goodness.

Oh, and what could I possibly find to be good about the sequence of events from this morning? Why, I only whacked my head once on the car mirror while I was mopping! See, there's always a positive side. Really.

Return on Life: Remember that you're in charge

I hope you had the opportunity to hear President Obama's inauguration speech today. If not, be sure to listen to it soon. In part, it was a great reminder that each of us needs to contribute on our own behalf and that of others in order to achieve what we are truly capable of.

A recent newspaper column by Dr. Richard Shearer (January 14, 2009, Barbour Democrat, Philippi, WV) that made essentially the same point by observing the differences between "worrying" and "being concerned." Dr. Shearer gave examples of worry weighing us down while concern stirs us to action. Worry can cause us to freeze and take no action beyond worrying, while concern can help us think about how to deal with a failure, how to create a right out of a wrong, how to improve rather than get stuck in the negative.

Let's join President Obama in creating a nation of "doers", those who act out of concern, rather than a nation of "worriers" who do nothing to advance the situation. It takes each of us, individually, doing our part. Let's just see how far we can go!

Return on Life: Sticks and Stones...

Many of us remember the childhood saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." We sort of laugh as we say or think of this phrase, but President George W. Bush has provided us a live example. Over the weekend, during a press conference in Iraq, an Iraqi reporter threw his shoes at President Bush. In Iraq, this is insult of the highest order, as the soles of your shoes are the lowest, dirtiest part of you. The gesture loses some of its impact, however, when the shoes are thrown at a non-Iraqi. Clearly it's an indication that the thrower disagrees or is angry with the target, but it just doesn't carry the impact intended.

Knowing the venomous intent with which the shoes were thrown at him, President Bush could have felt highly insulted, angry, hurt. He chose instead to react with a little humor (stating that he could duck the shoes successfully due to his practice ducking reporters questions), and to move on. If you are not of the Arab world, it's easy to see why it wouldn't be such a big deal. But what if someone had spit in Bush's face (or yours for that matter)? Americans would see that as a much higher insult, decrying the act, feeling extremely insulted.

So here's the question: What if you were able to choose to view interactions that someone intends as insulting the way President Bush viewed the flying shoes? What if you were able to choose not to allow someone else's words or actions anger, frustrate, or hurt you? The fact of it is that you DO have the ability to choose that view. It can be your choice not to legitimize another's attack on you by refusing to react in anger or frustration.

The next time someone hurls an insult at you, see it as a flying shoe and laugh it off just like "W" did!

Return on Life: Smile!

Smiles are amazing. Remember that old song "Smile, and the whole world smiles with you?" It turns out that the song, originally written in 1928 by Larry Shay, Mark Fisher, and Joe Goodwin, was exactly right. Recent studies show that if you smile at someone, they are likely not only to smile back at you, but to also smile at others they encounter afterward. One smile could conceivably travel the world!

These days, there's plenty to be glum about--potential job layoffs and cutbacks in Holiday giving just to name a few. All the more reason (while you're making decisions and adjusting to current situations) to share a warm smile with everyone you encounter. Not to pretend that the world is perfect, but simply as a way to share positive human contact. On a recent airline flight, I had to change carriers at the last minute due to a delay in the arrival of what should have been my flight home. I could tell the ticket agent was stressed (a stern look and a frown were my first clues) at trying to sort everyone out without making an error. I smiled as I explained my situation and asked for her help. That, and patience on my part as she sorted it through helped her end the transaction with a smile herself. She even chuckled and smiled at a fellow ticket agent. Who knows how far that smile travelled!

It's not about keeping a fake smile plastered on your face twenty-four hours a day. Just focus on a brief smile to each person you encounter during the day. Not only will it travel far and wide, it will warm your heart at the same time!

Return on Life: Be Flexible With Holiday Traditions

Yes, I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet, much less Christmas, but we're getting there quickly! Having lunch with a friend yesterday reminded me of one of the ways we can all reduce stress and truly enjoy the holidays.

My friend Michelle loves Christmas. Every year she puts up not one, but three decorated trees (one of them is probably fifteen feet tall and greets you in the two-story vaulted entrance to her home), assembles a model train layout, and bakes cookies which she shares with friends and family. She thoroughly enjoys it all. However, this year she has been traveling extensively both for business and pleasure and has been busy, busy, busy with a very quickly growing business (she has become a best-selling author with her first book!!). It's been an exciting time for her, but has just about used up her energy reserve--mental and emotional as well as physical. As she thought about putting up all the Christmas decorations, instead of total excitement, she began to feel overwhelmed. Many of us, at that point, would begin to feel frustrated that we were too tired to create our traditional holiday time. We'd feel guilty and sorry and sad. What Michelle decided to do instead was to create a new tradition--to change her paradigm. She decided that she will perhaps put all the trees up only every other year, and this year won't be one of them. She allowed herself to change without getting stuck in thinking that this would make her holiday less than what it should be.

Holiday traditions should be fun, warm, comforting. Don't let them become sources of frustration and guilt! If you have a tradition that can't or won't work this year, increase your return on life by creating a new one!

Return on Life: Respectful Discourse

One of the ways to increase your return on life is to reduce stress by being more respectful in your communication with others. We are sometimes told not to keep emotions in, to be able to vent. I agree that some venting is helpful and healthy, the other side of the coin is that there is a limit to how much creates any postive effect, as well as constraints involving time and place.

Case in point: McCain's concession speech and Obama's victory speech. Both were delivered in a manner that was respectful of their opponent. We've certainly not always seen this in past elections. Obviously, losing a presidential race, after all the months of long hours, little sleep, money spent, and emotional upheaval, is extremely disappointing, frustrating, even maddening. But it is not helpful to the losing contender's image or to the psyche of their voters to "share the pain". McCain did the right thing to immediately help his supporters to move past the emotion of the moment into the new reality. After all, they can't change the outcome of the election. They can learn from the experience, but the reality is that their candidate didn't win. By openly stating his acceptance of this fact and his support of Obama as President-elect, he helped his supports to do the same.

Obama made a great contribution as well, by acknowledging McCain respectfully. He also acknowledged that there are those who are not supportive of him, but that he promises to be their president as well.

Both speeches were good reminders of the lessons we all learned as kids: Don't be a sore loser, and if you win, don't gloat. At least not in public!

Return on Life: Have some fun!

Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to get everything done, we forget to just enjoy life. I was reminded of the importance of just having fun last Friday and Saturday. After presenting a workshop for a planning retreat on Friday, I was invited to stay through Saturday. On the agenda for Saturday was an excellent session on business planning, but sandwiched in between the Friday and Saturday sessions were a scavenger hunt and game time.

What I loved about the scavenger hunt is that it all took place on the grounds of the retreat center (a lovely old mansion near Wheeling, WV) and it really wasn't difficult to find the items. The hunt consisted largely of finding or creating strategically placed costumes and taking team photos wearing them. You can only imagine watching groups of adults ranging in age from 30 to over 50 getting dressed up like cows, emulating the American Gothic painting, and creating Halloween costumes from rolls of plastic and tape. The energy and laughter were only surpassed by an intense game of Catch Phrase a few hours later (if you've never played Catch Phrase, you're really missing out!). It was a competitive group, but no one forgot that the purpose of both of those activities was just to enjoy ourselves --and we did!

Take a minute to look at your life. Are you remembering to just have fun? Not just enjoying yourself, but doing something that will have you doubled over with laughter. If not, figure out a way to make it happen and you'll increase your Return on Life!

Return on Life: Keep on learning!

You never know where your next learning will come from, so it pays to keep an open mind. During a presentation earlier this week (at the Women etcetera! Pittsburgh Conference) as I was discussing attitudes that do and don't help you as you consider life changes, I stated that guilt was an emotion that had no purpose. My thought on this has been that although many people believe that guilt is a motivator when you don't do something you should (or DO do something you shouldn't), I see it as a DE-motivator. Getting stuck in guilt holds you back.

As I finished the thought, a hand went up in the back of the room. Dr. Katie McCorkle (www.drkatie.com) of the Balanced Heart Healing Center begged to differ with me. Although she agreed that it's not helpful to get stuck in feelings of guilt, she pointed out that guilt is an indicator that something is wrong. It made immediate sense. Just as physical pain is an indicator that something is wrong with our bodies, guilt is an emotional pain that something is off kilter in our psyche. So guilt DOES have a purpose--but only as an initial indicator. If it's indicating that you've made a less than stellar decision or taken an action you regret, use that indicator to decide whether you need to make amends and then move on, or just simply accept the situation and move on. Either way, don't stay stuck in the guilt stage. Moving past this stage quickly will have a positive impact on your Return on Life. Thank you, Dr. Katie!

Return on Life: The Power of Realistic Expectations

Prior to leaving town for nearly a week recently, I stopped by the post office to fill out one of those big yellow cards requesting that our mail be held until our return. Since I wasn't certain what day we would arrive home, I marked the box requesting that it be held until I picked it up. A day later, we made a definitive decision to return on a Saturday. Immediately I thought, "Wow, it would be great to have that week's worth of mail delivered on Saturday--I can go through it while watching NFL football on Sunday, and be ahead of the game." So I stopped back by the post office to request that change. Rather than finding the card I'd already filled out, the clerk handed me a new card, explaining that rather than him going to look for the original one, I should just fill out a new one and they would see both and be able to resolve the difference, and our mail would be waiting for us Saturday when we returned.

I probably don't even need to tell you that our mail was NOT waiting for us when we returned. I picked it up Monday instead. In the past, I'd have been all bent out of shape about the inconvenience, the postal service incompetence, etc. I'd have developed a grumpy mood. But by now I've learned, in situations like this, not to expect that it will turn out right. It would have been a pleasant surprise had the mail been waiting for us! I've also learned that although I might have insisted that the clerk find the original card, because I was about 95% sure it wouldn't work the way he thought, some issues are not worth causing a hassle over. Sometimes it pays to be the more accommodating party. It's not at all about lowering your standards, it's about being realistic.

Think about what makes you grumpy when it doesn't work the way it should. Is it a situation that's worth insisting on, or is it one you can let go, realizing that it's not likely to ever work exactly the way you want, and that's okay!

Return on Life: Avoid Jumping to Conclusions

As I watched the story unfold this past week about Tennessee Titans' quarterback Vince Young, I was reminded of one of life's basic rules: don't jump to conclusions. When the first reports came out that police had been called to help locate Young and that Young had been found with friends, just chilling out, there was immediate backlash at the overreaction by Coach Fisher and the authorities. It wasn't until several days later as more detailed information was revealed that it became clear that there was cause for concern.

We see this over and over as the haste to be first with the news results in publishing only half the story. But my point is not to berate reporters and news outlets (not this time around!). Stop and think about how often you react to someone else's actions by saying or thinking, "What a stupid thing to do", or some version of that thought. Is it possible you don't fully understand that person's situation or thought process? One manner of treating others with respect is to begin with the assumption that they came to their current conclusion through some logical thought process. You might not understand that process, therefore their reasoning or decision might not make sense to you, but I'll be you can gain more understanding if you ask.

Reduce your stress level by avoiding the temptation to jump to conclusions. Ask a few more questions, and all may become clear. And, if you think someone is making a bad decision, understanding their thought process in making it will facilitate helping them consider an alternative!

Return on Life: Be "in the moment"

Life coach Diana Fletcher (www.dianafletcher.com) teaches us that less multitasking is actually better for us. I had a reminder this week of just how true that is. This past Wednesday morning I was in a hotel room in Flushing, NY, getting dressed and ready for a presentation at 8:00 a.m. At 7:20, I finished the oatmeal and coffee I'd had delivered to save time, and stepped outside the room to set the tray in the hallway outside. You can probably guess what the next sound was that I heard. Exactly. The click of the door to my room as it shut behind me! Did I mention I was traveling alone? There I stood, thankfully clothed except that I was in my stocking feet. No ID, no room key.

I realized at that moment that I had let my mind become too busy thinking about the presentation. You see, I'm normally the one that checks three times to be certain that my keys are in my pocket, every time I leave the house. And probably check four times when I'm away from home! But because I was not thinking about what I was doing, I didn't even think about the fact that the door would close if I took one more step to the left...

Fortunately, they sent security up (quickly, I might add) and allowed me to show my ID AFTER he let me in the room, so I didn't have to traipse down to the marbled hotel lobby in my bare feet. However, by not paying attention to what I was doing--not staying in the moment-- cost me between 10-15 minutes that would had been valuable at that point in time and helped me feel more calm as I headed down for my presentation.

As you go through your day, stop and think: Are you living in the moment, or are you caught up in a past or future moment. Focus on where you are now, one thing at a time. It will lower your stress level and increase your return on life!

Return on Life: MORE Communication is sometimes the answer

Often, when we read about how to improve communication, we are encouraged (and very rightly so!) to remember that we have two ears and one mouth by design. Listening more and talking less definitely leads to improvements in communication. At the same time, sometimes it helps to share more. Here's an example shared by some friends who have now been married many years:

The first year they were married, they acquired an electric blanket--the kind with separate controls for each person. This worked wonderfully for them, as he preferred a low temperature while she preferred a toasty warm setting. All was well that first winter. However, when the second winter came around, when the blanket went back on the bed. In the process, the controls were placed on the wrong sides of the bed--the control that was handy on the husband's side was actually plugged into the wife's side of the bed, and vice versa.

The first night, the husband was too warm, so he adjusted his control to reduce the temperature. The wife was too cool, so she adjusted hers up, to be warmer. This went on for a number of days, with each of them attempting to adjust their own temperature while accomplishing exactly the opposite. He was ready to bake while she felt like a block of ice. But neither said anything, just suffering in silence. Finally, one mentioned to the other of their discomfort, they figured out what was going on, and switched the controls back to their rightful owners.

So, sometimes, more communication is a good thing. If you have an issue or concern, it doesn't normally help to just internalize it. Complaining about it is not the best way either. But DO state what your problem is and seek help. Don't freeze or cook for days on end with no one else aware of the problem--some issues don't solve themselves after all!

Return on Life: Don't let the news cycle be a source of stress!

I enjoy being able to access current news at any point in time I'm ready for it. Whether we turn on the television, read the paper, or check online, within a few minutes we can feel as though we're caught up at least on the big news of the moment. In fact, it's easy to let the glut of news overwhelm us, which is one reason my husband and I are selective about when we turn the television news on. But, in general, information and knowledge is good.

However, one of the unfortunate side effects is that in their quest for constantly new, exciting developments in the hot story, the live news media cycle doesn't allow for any introspection. We are pushed immediately on to the next stage of the story before we can digest, mentally and emotionally, the current stage. This was evident over the past week as we watched the Democratic primary events unfold. We hadn't even gotten past Tuesday night's confirmation that Obama had clinched the nomination before there was angst about party healing and who the vice presidential pick would be. Obviously, those are the next steps in the process and we would expect them to be discussed as such, but the incessant attention, worry, and fretting, for instance, about whether Clinton supporters will transfer their support to Obama, accompanied by polls regarding those opinions, fosters the feeling that everything is falling apart.

What if we tried just stating how everyone feels right now, without the worrisome projection that none of those feelings will change over the next five months. Life is a process and I humbly suggest that over time, some of those strong feelings will moderate. It is not helpful to project this level of concern that they won't. It helps create a kind of hysteria and disrespect for the ability of human beings to adapt. So, even if you're watching the news, avoid getting drawn into the hype. Human beings are amazingly resilient. If we would take more time to allow others to process their thoughts and feelings, our journey could be much more pleasant--less stress!

Return on Life: Let someone else know they matter

My husband and I just finished teaching the Junior Achievement class "Economics for Success" to two eighth grade classes at Seneca Valley Middle School in Zelienople, PA. This was our first experience as JA volunteers and I wasn't sure what to expect from kids that age. We were both pleased to find that the classes we were assigned to were polite, interactive, and appreciative of our time.

What struck me the most, however, was something that happened on the last day of my class. I handed out certificates of completion to each student as they shared, one by one, what they would most remember from the class. After the first few students, I noticed an intense interest in the certificates, which was followed by a series of questions: Had I actually signed all the certificates myself? Had I really written each student's name and date on there myself? (yes, yes, and yes). Then the reaction: "Wow, that was a lot of work. You really made these for each of us."

Each student shared an insightful learning from one of the six classes. But I really think that at least during that last class, what was most important to the students was that they truly felt important. They knew they mattered. How small a thing--hand writing 24 certificates--and how big an impact.

What can you do to let someone else know they matter? It's so often the things we feel are nearly insignificant that have the greatest impact. Say thanks, give a sincere compliment, make the bed if you normally don't. You'll have a greater impact than you would imagine.

Return on Life: It takes time...

My chiropractor compares the need for some level of maintenance of skeletal alignment to the need to brush your teeth more than one time. That's a perfect analogy for managing your time as well. How many times have you put your foot down, thinking, "Ok, I'm going to get all my tasks and piles on my desk organized so that I know what I have to do." You may spend a couple of hours sorting everything, making a list and plotting it all out (or maybe you were too intimidated by what's ON your desk to even try to begin!). But once you're finished, you go happily along, and never think about that organizing step until it becomes unbearable again and you are frustrated with yourself.

Here is one suggestion to avoid feeling as though you'll never get control of your time: Plan time in your schedule each week to look at what you have to do in the coming week or two, and thoughtfully plan it out. The key here is each week. Just like in brushing your teeth, you don't do it once and that's it. You need to actually plan time to plan your time. Set aside an hour on Friday afternoon each week, and you'll be amazed at the difference it makes!

Return on Life: We're all in the same boat!

Yesterday I was the keynote speaker at a workshop presented by Pittsburgh Professional Women (PPW). My speech was preceded by a panel of five female business owners. Beth Caldwell, of PPW, asked each panelist a series of questions around the topic "Getting paid what you're worth." Her questions addressed issues such as how each panelist set fees, whether fees were the same for the same product or service sold to different markets, and what they would have done differently in starting their businesses.

The panelists ranged from young to not young and their businesses included psychologist, life coach, DJ, personal organizer, and an owner of multiple businesses including one which sells furniture.

What was interesting about their responses was the similarity of the issues they faced. Each dealt with them differently, but when it came right down to it, they have all faced many of the same struggles in building their businesses. And by their comments, the attendees (mainly women in business as well) faced the same issues. The workshop was a good reminder of how helpful it is just to hear 1) we all struggle with the same issues, and 2) it helps to hear other's perspective of how to deal with the struggles--or even sometimes just to share our own.

I believe this is true of our lives in general. Sometimes we feel as though we are the only one struggling with a particular issue. That alone-ness makes it difficult to maintain a positive attitude. I can say pretty confidently that whatever struggle you are having, someone else has the same struggle now, or has in the past. Sharing your struggles (not whining and complaining, mind you) helps just in the sharing, but also by confirming that we are not alone. That in itself can improve your attitude. It might also help you find a solution to the issue. Being willing to share past struggles and how you've dealt with them can help someone dealing with a current issue.

We sometimes tend to believe that others have it all figured out simply because we don't see evidence of struggles. Don't imagine that you're the only one, and don't hesitate to seek help or to provide it. Either way, you'll be part of making this journey of life a more fulfilling one all the way around!

Return on Life: Your inner compass

Were you a fan of NBC's The Biggest Loser this past season? It's amazing and impressive, the changes made by the participants, and the progress they made in creating healthier lives. In a recent issue of USA Weekend (which arrives with our Sunday newspaper), the Question & Answer section inside the front cover included a query about Bob Harper, the show's host. What caught my attention was the quote in which he summed up the participants: "They were off track and lost their inner compass."

Losing our inner compass results in our taking actions that are not aligned with what's truly important to us. It's easy, in the busy-ness of daily life to get into a reactive mode, and get off track. When was the last time you checked your inner compass, to determine whether your daily activities are aligned with the values you find most important. If it's been awhile, set aside some time, just for yourself, to give it some thought. You may need to "recalibrate" to get back to your true North. Even if you're fortunate enough to love your work and you don't feel a need for a break, take one anyway. If your inner compass is not out of whack, taking some time to reflect will help keep it in line!

Return on Life: Perspective is critical

I always read the "Dear Abby" type column in my daily newspaper--it's fascinating to read about the interpersonal issues people face and the suggestions for dealing with them. A recent edition provided a great example of the subtle way we transfer responsibility for our emotions and reactions away from ourselves.

Here is the passage: "Many of today's baby boomers suffer hearing loss from listening to loud music or living in noisy environments. It can cause irritability, negativism, anger, fatigue, tension, stress and depression, and can lead to social withdrawal."

Certainly hearing loss may result in these effects, but for most of the items on the list, we are choosing that reaction. That doesn't make those results any more palatable, but it does put them back in the category of things we can control--or at least influence--rather than the category of things over which we have no control.

Think about which terminology you use--are negative results you're experiencing actually caused by an outside influence, or are they caused by your reaction to them? If they're caused by your reaction, direct your efforts to reducing or eliminating those reactions. You'll have less stress, and increase your return on life!