Return on Life: Sticks and Stones...

Many of us remember the childhood saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." We sort of laugh as we say or think of this phrase, but President George W. Bush has provided us a live example. Over the weekend, during a press conference in Iraq, an Iraqi reporter threw his shoes at President Bush. In Iraq, this is insult of the highest order, as the soles of your shoes are the lowest, dirtiest part of you. The gesture loses some of its impact, however, when the shoes are thrown at a non-Iraqi. Clearly it's an indication that the thrower disagrees or is angry with the target, but it just doesn't carry the impact intended.

Knowing the venomous intent with which the shoes were thrown at him, President Bush could have felt highly insulted, angry, hurt. He chose instead to react with a little humor (stating that he could duck the shoes successfully due to his practice ducking reporters questions), and to move on. If you are not of the Arab world, it's easy to see why it wouldn't be such a big deal. But what if someone had spit in Bush's face (or yours for that matter)? Americans would see that as a much higher insult, decrying the act, feeling extremely insulted.

So here's the question: What if you were able to choose to view interactions that someone intends as insulting the way President Bush viewed the flying shoes? What if you were able to choose not to allow someone else's words or actions anger, frustrate, or hurt you? The fact of it is that you DO have the ability to choose that view. It can be your choice not to legitimize another's attack on you by refusing to react in anger or frustration.

The next time someone hurls an insult at you, see it as a flying shoe and laugh it off just like "W" did!

Return on Life: Perspective is critical

I always read the "Dear Abby" type column in my daily newspaper--it's fascinating to read about the interpersonal issues people face and the suggestions for dealing with them. A recent edition provided a great example of the subtle way we transfer responsibility for our emotions and reactions away from ourselves.

Here is the passage: "Many of today's baby boomers suffer hearing loss from listening to loud music or living in noisy environments. It can cause irritability, negativism, anger, fatigue, tension, stress and depression, and can lead to social withdrawal."

Certainly hearing loss may result in these effects, but for most of the items on the list, we are choosing that reaction. That doesn't make those results any more palatable, but it does put them back in the category of things we can control--or at least influence--rather than the category of things over which we have no control.

Think about which terminology you use--are negative results you're experiencing actually caused by an outside influence, or are they caused by your reaction to them? If they're caused by your reaction, direct your efforts to reducing or eliminating those reactions. You'll have less stress, and increase your return on life!