Return on Life: Moving toward the life you desire

Are you excitedly planning your new year--setting new goals, new directions new projects? Or are you rolling your eyes at everyone else who is engaging in this futile behavior yet again? With every new year, I see people in both camps. Some are chomping at the bit for January 1 to arrive, for a fresh start. Others are busy resolving not to make any resolutions.

This time of year is indeed a good time for reflection. Many of us have some time away from work, and once Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Ramadan, or whatever we celebrate has passed, we find some down time before re-engaging fully.

When you hit that time this year, if you are feeling less than excited about identifying huge life-changing initiatives, try taking a different tack. Simply give some thought to ways to continue to move toward the life you desire. The key words here are "continue to move toward." Life is truly a journey, a process. We often frustrate ourselves and feel inadequate because we haven't yet figured "it" out. Or we don't know what the end result is or should be. The point of life is not being at a perfect place that we cant' quite figure out but we know it must exist. The point of live IS the journey. Yes, we all want to achieve more, to improve, to be better. Just be sure to mentally relax and enjoy the process of getting there!

Dr. Wayne Dyer says it best: "Your purpose in life isn't to arrive at a destination where you find inspiration, just as the purpose of dancing isn't to end up at a particular spot on the floor. The purpose of dancing--and of life--is to enjoy every moment and every step, regardless of where you are when the music ends."

Perhaps that would make the very best New Year's resolution!

Return on Life:Give People a Chance. . .

A chance to change, that is. I know, I know, you are thinking "but people don't really change--we are who we are--leopards don't change their spots." It may be rare to find that another person's true nature changes. However, many people do learn to moderate their behavior or to let go of fears or needs that trigger unbecoming behavior.

What got me thinking about this was watching all the NFL news over the past couple of weeks, relating to Terrell Owens and the Cowboys. Terrell Owens has a history of very self-centered behavior that is destructive to whatever team he is playing for. When he's unhappy, everyone knows it. And it has been the case that if he wasn't getting enough attention, he was unhappy. But I've been watching that behavior moderate over the past several years. Owens will never completely lose the drive to win and the opinion that he should be a central part of that happening each and every game (even on the days he's dropping the ball). However, he has learned, for the most part, to deal with the issues internally.

Unfortunately, the sports media has not noticed this change. When the first report came out that there was dissention in the ranks in Dallas, and as the story continued to be the highlight, not only was Owens not the source of the story, he made not comment whatsoever. Numerous reporters grilled him and lambasted him over and over, almost goading him into blowing up on camera. What they failed to notice was that it wasn't working. Clearly, there was some kind of disagreement--an issue probably raised by Owens. But he did it internally, and kept it internal. He wasn't the bad guy this time around. I really think that although he still may have an overblown opinion of himself, he has matured enough to moderate his behavior. And that should be recognized. The behavior of the sports analysts in trying to force it to become a bigger issue than it really was was ridiculous.

During the holiday season, it's likely you'll spend time around family, colleagues, and friends that you don't see often--and may prefer it that way. Keep your mind open to the fact that people do mature and moderate their behavior. They sometimes realize their past behavior was inappropriate. They develop new attitudes. Don't expect miracles, but give 'em a chance!

Return on Life: Sticks and Stones...

Many of us remember the childhood saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." We sort of laugh as we say or think of this phrase, but President George W. Bush has provided us a live example. Over the weekend, during a press conference in Iraq, an Iraqi reporter threw his shoes at President Bush. In Iraq, this is insult of the highest order, as the soles of your shoes are the lowest, dirtiest part of you. The gesture loses some of its impact, however, when the shoes are thrown at a non-Iraqi. Clearly it's an indication that the thrower disagrees or is angry with the target, but it just doesn't carry the impact intended.

Knowing the venomous intent with which the shoes were thrown at him, President Bush could have felt highly insulted, angry, hurt. He chose instead to react with a little humor (stating that he could duck the shoes successfully due to his practice ducking reporters questions), and to move on. If you are not of the Arab world, it's easy to see why it wouldn't be such a big deal. But what if someone had spit in Bush's face (or yours for that matter)? Americans would see that as a much higher insult, decrying the act, feeling extremely insulted.

So here's the question: What if you were able to choose to view interactions that someone intends as insulting the way President Bush viewed the flying shoes? What if you were able to choose not to allow someone else's words or actions anger, frustrate, or hurt you? The fact of it is that you DO have the ability to choose that view. It can be your choice not to legitimize another's attack on you by refusing to react in anger or frustration.

The next time someone hurls an insult at you, see it as a flying shoe and laugh it off just like "W" did!

Return on Life: Smile!

Smiles are amazing. Remember that old song "Smile, and the whole world smiles with you?" It turns out that the song, originally written in 1928 by Larry Shay, Mark Fisher, and Joe Goodwin, was exactly right. Recent studies show that if you smile at someone, they are likely not only to smile back at you, but to also smile at others they encounter afterward. One smile could conceivably travel the world!

These days, there's plenty to be glum about--potential job layoffs and cutbacks in Holiday giving just to name a few. All the more reason (while you're making decisions and adjusting to current situations) to share a warm smile with everyone you encounter. Not to pretend that the world is perfect, but simply as a way to share positive human contact. On a recent airline flight, I had to change carriers at the last minute due to a delay in the arrival of what should have been my flight home. I could tell the ticket agent was stressed (a stern look and a frown were my first clues) at trying to sort everyone out without making an error. I smiled as I explained my situation and asked for her help. That, and patience on my part as she sorted it through helped her end the transaction with a smile herself. She even chuckled and smiled at a fellow ticket agent. Who knows how far that smile travelled!

It's not about keeping a fake smile plastered on your face twenty-four hours a day. Just focus on a brief smile to each person you encounter during the day. Not only will it travel far and wide, it will warm your heart at the same time!