Forgiveness is really for YOU (not the other guy)!

Our newspaper today had a "Dear Abby" type letter about parents who disagreed about what action to take regarding a friend of their son. The friend had been quite a troublemaker and ended up in a detention facility for multiple felony convictions. Both parents felt that the friend had a negative impact on their son--their son's actions tended to be influenced by the friend. The father felt that the friend should be forgiven, and upon his release from the detention facility, allowed to spend time with their son. The mother felt that their son should not be allowed to hang out with the friend.

Reading this letter made me realize how we get mixed up about what forgiveness is, and how it can and should be applied. To forgive simply means to renounce anger or resentment against. In the past, I thought forgiveness was for the person being forgiven. But it's not. It's actually for the person DOING the forgiving. In fact you can forgive someone without them even knowing about it. When you forgive someone, it allows you to move on rather than remaining stuck at the point of the issue that needed the forgiving. And, often, before you reach the point you can forgive someone, you are hurting yourself more than you are having an effect on the person you have yet to forgive.

At the same time, you can forgive someone and still choose not to have further interaction with them. This was the real issue the parents needed to decide. Yes, they should forgive the friend, as that means they decide to discontinue harboring negative feelings--feelings of resentment--toward him. But they still may choose to have their son spend his time around other friends rather than this one, at least until such time as they are comfortable that the friend has matured.

Think about whether you have someone to forgive, even if you choose not to resume a relationship with them. Forgiveness frees your mind and your heart from the weight it carries. Extending forgiveness allows you to increase YOUR return on life!