Return on Life: Are you halfway to your goals for the year?

Most of us begin the new year by setting goals for the coming 12 months. Some of you, I'm certain, are still focused on what you want to accomplish during 2008. However, if you are like many, by the time spring rolls around (much less summer!), you've either forgotten most of the goals you set or you are no longer focusing on them.

In another week, we'll be halfway through 2008. It's a great time to step back and think about what's important to you. Are the goals you set supportive of the values which are most important to you? If you are struggling with this, try to think of goals more in terms of the following pattern: I would like my life to be more _____________ this year.

One of my goals this year has been for my life to be more active. I decided to start running again and set a goal of running a half marathon in the fall in order to support the larger goal of being more active. I built up to the point of being able to run 3 miles in 30 minutes (on a flat course, inside!!) with no problems, but then developed a problem with my Achilles tendon. I have not been able to run for about 6 weeks now. However, I am able to work out on an elliptical and today I tried swimming, which I also love. Although I'll be a little disappointed if I can't make the half marathon, setting my yearly goal as being more active has allowed "mental latitude" in how I get there. It's made it much easier to explore options and not get stuck on one method, then giving up altogether when hitting an obstacle with it.

So, revisit your goals and reframe them, if necessary, in terms of "I would like my life to be more ____________ this year. See what you can accomplish in the second half of 2008!

Return on Life: Whose fault is it?

The June 16-19 edition of USA Weekend included a section of myths and realities related to diabetes. One of the stated myths, that it's your own fault if you have diabetes, is refuted by Dr. John B. Buse with the statement that "no one with diabetes has it because he wants to have it." This is followed by the explanation that our bodies are genetically designed in a way that supported our ancestors, which allow our bodies to store extra food and energy when there's plenty available (gain weight quickly), and to lose weight slowly during lean times. This genetic predisposition becomes a problem, the article explains, when we live in an environment where very little physical labor is required and there's plenty of food available.

I'm with Dr. Buse so far. But he seems to end the discussion there. It reads to me as if he is saying that because we live in an environment where there is plenty of food and physical activity is not required, it follows that diabetes will develop. Based on research I have read, it is not inevitable in all cases that diabetes just develops and we have no control or influence in the matter. The American Diabetes Association actually provides an assessment to determine whether you are at risk for diabetes and suggestions for reducing the risk and avoiding development of diabetes. These suggestions include monitoring your diet and getting regular exercise.

Certainly it is true that many cases of diabetes cannot be avoided, but an article like Dr. Buse's gives the impression that we have no say in the matter whatsoever. I would counter that just because we live in an environment where plenty of food is available doesn't mean we have to overindulge and eat in an unhealthy manner. And just because little physical labor is required certainly doesn't mean that we can't build some in.

My biggest concern is that we live in an environment where everything seems to be either someone else's fault or unavoidable just because "it's there." This is sort of like saying that because we live in an environment where designer jeans are available, it's inevitable that families will spend money they don't really have to clothe their teens in them. Yes, it happens frequently, but it's not inevitable. It's a choice. Unhealthy eating and lack of exercise happen frequently, but they are not inevitable. They are choices. Think about the choices you are making, and don't blame the results on someone or something else!

Return on Life: MORE Communication is sometimes the answer

Often, when we read about how to improve communication, we are encouraged (and very rightly so!) to remember that we have two ears and one mouth by design. Listening more and talking less definitely leads to improvements in communication. At the same time, sometimes it helps to share more. Here's an example shared by some friends who have now been married many years:

The first year they were married, they acquired an electric blanket--the kind with separate controls for each person. This worked wonderfully for them, as he preferred a low temperature while she preferred a toasty warm setting. All was well that first winter. However, when the second winter came around, when the blanket went back on the bed. In the process, the controls were placed on the wrong sides of the bed--the control that was handy on the husband's side was actually plugged into the wife's side of the bed, and vice versa.

The first night, the husband was too warm, so he adjusted his control to reduce the temperature. The wife was too cool, so she adjusted hers up, to be warmer. This went on for a number of days, with each of them attempting to adjust their own temperature while accomplishing exactly the opposite. He was ready to bake while she felt like a block of ice. But neither said anything, just suffering in silence. Finally, one mentioned to the other of their discomfort, they figured out what was going on, and switched the controls back to their rightful owners.

So, sometimes, more communication is a good thing. If you have an issue or concern, it doesn't normally help to just internalize it. Complaining about it is not the best way either. But DO state what your problem is and seek help. Don't freeze or cook for days on end with no one else aware of the problem--some issues don't solve themselves after all!

Return on Life: Don't let the news cycle be a source of stress!

I enjoy being able to access current news at any point in time I'm ready for it. Whether we turn on the television, read the paper, or check online, within a few minutes we can feel as though we're caught up at least on the big news of the moment. In fact, it's easy to let the glut of news overwhelm us, which is one reason my husband and I are selective about when we turn the television news on. But, in general, information and knowledge is good.

However, one of the unfortunate side effects is that in their quest for constantly new, exciting developments in the hot story, the live news media cycle doesn't allow for any introspection. We are pushed immediately on to the next stage of the story before we can digest, mentally and emotionally, the current stage. This was evident over the past week as we watched the Democratic primary events unfold. We hadn't even gotten past Tuesday night's confirmation that Obama had clinched the nomination before there was angst about party healing and who the vice presidential pick would be. Obviously, those are the next steps in the process and we would expect them to be discussed as such, but the incessant attention, worry, and fretting, for instance, about whether Clinton supporters will transfer their support to Obama, accompanied by polls regarding those opinions, fosters the feeling that everything is falling apart.

What if we tried just stating how everyone feels right now, without the worrisome projection that none of those feelings will change over the next five months. Life is a process and I humbly suggest that over time, some of those strong feelings will moderate. It is not helpful to project this level of concern that they won't. It helps create a kind of hysteria and disrespect for the ability of human beings to adapt. So, even if you're watching the news, avoid getting drawn into the hype. Human beings are amazingly resilient. If we would take more time to allow others to process their thoughts and feelings, our journey could be much more pleasant--less stress!

Return on Life: Let someone else know they matter

My husband and I just finished teaching the Junior Achievement class "Economics for Success" to two eighth grade classes at Seneca Valley Middle School in Zelienople, PA. This was our first experience as JA volunteers and I wasn't sure what to expect from kids that age. We were both pleased to find that the classes we were assigned to were polite, interactive, and appreciative of our time.

What struck me the most, however, was something that happened on the last day of my class. I handed out certificates of completion to each student as they shared, one by one, what they would most remember from the class. After the first few students, I noticed an intense interest in the certificates, which was followed by a series of questions: Had I actually signed all the certificates myself? Had I really written each student's name and date on there myself? (yes, yes, and yes). Then the reaction: "Wow, that was a lot of work. You really made these for each of us."

Each student shared an insightful learning from one of the six classes. But I really think that at least during that last class, what was most important to the students was that they truly felt important. They knew they mattered. How small a thing--hand writing 24 certificates--and how big an impact.

What can you do to let someone else know they matter? It's so often the things we feel are nearly insignificant that have the greatest impact. Say thanks, give a sincere compliment, make the bed if you normally don't. You'll have a greater impact than you would imagine.