Return on Life: It takes time...

My chiropractor compares the need for some level of maintenance of skeletal alignment to the need to brush your teeth more than one time. That's a perfect analogy for managing your time as well. How many times have you put your foot down, thinking, "Ok, I'm going to get all my tasks and piles on my desk organized so that I know what I have to do." You may spend a couple of hours sorting everything, making a list and plotting it all out (or maybe you were too intimidated by what's ON your desk to even try to begin!). But once you're finished, you go happily along, and never think about that organizing step until it becomes unbearable again and you are frustrated with yourself.

Here is one suggestion to avoid feeling as though you'll never get control of your time: Plan time in your schedule each week to look at what you have to do in the coming week or two, and thoughtfully plan it out. The key here is each week. Just like in brushing your teeth, you don't do it once and that's it. You need to actually plan time to plan your time. Set aside an hour on Friday afternoon each week, and you'll be amazed at the difference it makes!

Return on Life: Don't let gas prices get in the way of a good time!

We are all painfully aware of the sharp increase in gasoline prices. Now that we've hit Memorial Day weekend, we're hearing, reading, and thinking a lot about the effect on everyone's vacation plans. Prices have increased enough that it's causing many to reassess what they had on the agenda.

Our local newspaper had a column last week that suggested "stay-cations" to replace vacations. It was a great suggestion about staying home and enjoying activities close by. Don't we all comment, sometimes, about activities that are available within a few miles that we just never get around to taking advantage of.

I'll add a piece to this suggestion. If you decide to have a "stay-cation", don't stay at home while you do it. Stay at a local hotel or campsite. It may sound silly to pay to stay in your home town, but if you've never done this you'll be surprised at the effect. Pay for the same type of accommodations you'd have had if you had gone out of town--and perhaps choose a different section of the city if you're in an urban area. Do somethings you've never done and go some places you've never been. Just by staying somewhere other than home, it will be even more of an adventure, and encourage you to take a real break from the routine for multiple days, which is the whole point of a vacation.

Whatever you do, have fun!

Return on Life: We're all in the same boat!

Yesterday I was the keynote speaker at a workshop presented by Pittsburgh Professional Women (PPW). My speech was preceded by a panel of five female business owners. Beth Caldwell, of PPW, asked each panelist a series of questions around the topic "Getting paid what you're worth." Her questions addressed issues such as how each panelist set fees, whether fees were the same for the same product or service sold to different markets, and what they would have done differently in starting their businesses.

The panelists ranged from young to not young and their businesses included psychologist, life coach, DJ, personal organizer, and an owner of multiple businesses including one which sells furniture.

What was interesting about their responses was the similarity of the issues they faced. Each dealt with them differently, but when it came right down to it, they have all faced many of the same struggles in building their businesses. And by their comments, the attendees (mainly women in business as well) faced the same issues. The workshop was a good reminder of how helpful it is just to hear 1) we all struggle with the same issues, and 2) it helps to hear other's perspective of how to deal with the struggles--or even sometimes just to share our own.

I believe this is true of our lives in general. Sometimes we feel as though we are the only one struggling with a particular issue. That alone-ness makes it difficult to maintain a positive attitude. I can say pretty confidently that whatever struggle you are having, someone else has the same struggle now, or has in the past. Sharing your struggles (not whining and complaining, mind you) helps just in the sharing, but also by confirming that we are not alone. That in itself can improve your attitude. It might also help you find a solution to the issue. Being willing to share past struggles and how you've dealt with them can help someone dealing with a current issue.

We sometimes tend to believe that others have it all figured out simply because we don't see evidence of struggles. Don't imagine that you're the only one, and don't hesitate to seek help or to provide it. Either way, you'll be part of making this journey of life a more fulfilling one all the way around!

Return on Life: Even if someone ELSE is the problem, consider how YOU can adjust

I teach workshops on Social Style, a model which helps participants understand, based on observable behavior, how they and others prefer to interact as well as techniques for more successful interactions without trying to change who you are. The improvement in communications reduces conflict and frustration. Invariably, when I describe the workshops, the person I speaking with immediately responds "I know someone who needs to attend that!" Sometimes it's said in jest, but there's still a hint of immediately thinking of someone who needs to change how they interact in order to reduce conflict.

Think about yourself. I'm certain you interact with people who irritate you. If only they would change, your relationship would be so much better. You are probably right. The person who came to mind probably popped up first because they exhibit the most difficult behavior for you and others to accommodate. But don't forget the other side of the equation: You. Stop and think what you can do to help foster good communication. Give some thought to why they act the way they do.

A quick example: Someone who dominates a conversation may have a view of the world in which they don't feel they get enough recognition for their contributions. Your view may be VERY different from that. But if THEIR view is that they are lacking in recognition, they'll keep acting in ways to increase recognition. Our tendency is to try to shut that off because they begin to drive us crazy. Instead of trying to muzzle them, try asking their opinion first and acknowledging their contribution. It may help them be able to settle down and listen to everyone else. It's seems like exactly the wrong thing to do, but you'll be amazed at how it can help.

Don't ever forget, even if you're not part of the problem, you can become part of the solution!

Return on Life: Your inner compass

Were you a fan of NBC's The Biggest Loser this past season? It's amazing and impressive, the changes made by the participants, and the progress they made in creating healthier lives. In a recent issue of USA Weekend (which arrives with our Sunday newspaper), the Question & Answer section inside the front cover included a query about Bob Harper, the show's host. What caught my attention was the quote in which he summed up the participants: "They were off track and lost their inner compass."

Losing our inner compass results in our taking actions that are not aligned with what's truly important to us. It's easy, in the busy-ness of daily life to get into a reactive mode, and get off track. When was the last time you checked your inner compass, to determine whether your daily activities are aligned with the values you find most important. If it's been awhile, set aside some time, just for yourself, to give it some thought. You may need to "recalibrate" to get back to your true North. Even if you're fortunate enough to love your work and you don't feel a need for a break, take one anyway. If your inner compass is not out of whack, taking some time to reflect will help keep it in line!

Return on Life: Goals in theory vs. goals in real life

I recently began a walking/jogging program in earnest. My goal is to run a half marathon race this fall, so this is the first step. Having been a runner (many 10k races and one half marathon) in the past, I had a sense of what a half marathon training program looks like. I also knew how out of shape I was. To begin, I found a training program that would help me realistically get from walking 30-45 minutes to a straight jog. So I was taking all the steps to making my goal a SMART one (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timebound).

Because I began in early March, my first few weeks of training were all indoors, on the running track at the local YMCA. I was progressing well, each session left me tired, but ultimately feeling stronger. Until.....the first spring day arrived and I did my walk/run outdoors. I could hardly believe how much more difficult it was! I'd forgotten how much difference even small changes in elevation (believe me, I can't claim there were actual hills involved!) and moving air (no high winds either) could make.

Since that day I've been able to train outdoors once or twice each week. Each time, I'm reminded of the lesson I learned about artificial circumstances vs. the real world, which is what I want to share with you today: Even when you set SMART goals, things will be different when you begin, in the real world, to take the actions needed to reach the goals. And that's okay. Stay focused on the actions you know you need to take, absorb the reality, adjust if needed, and keep moving forward. I take a nice hot bubble bath after my outdoor runs as a treat for the extra effort (and yes, to help my muscles recover). Don't allow real life to get you off track!