Return on Life: Even if someone ELSE is the problem, consider how YOU can adjust

I teach workshops on Social Style, a model which helps participants understand, based on observable behavior, how they and others prefer to interact as well as techniques for more successful interactions without trying to change who you are. The improvement in communications reduces conflict and frustration. Invariably, when I describe the workshops, the person I speaking with immediately responds "I know someone who needs to attend that!" Sometimes it's said in jest, but there's still a hint of immediately thinking of someone who needs to change how they interact in order to reduce conflict.

Think about yourself. I'm certain you interact with people who irritate you. If only they would change, your relationship would be so much better. You are probably right. The person who came to mind probably popped up first because they exhibit the most difficult behavior for you and others to accommodate. But don't forget the other side of the equation: You. Stop and think what you can do to help foster good communication. Give some thought to why they act the way they do.

A quick example: Someone who dominates a conversation may have a view of the world in which they don't feel they get enough recognition for their contributions. Your view may be VERY different from that. But if THEIR view is that they are lacking in recognition, they'll keep acting in ways to increase recognition. Our tendency is to try to shut that off because they begin to drive us crazy. Instead of trying to muzzle them, try asking their opinion first and acknowledging their contribution. It may help them be able to settle down and listen to everyone else. It's seems like exactly the wrong thing to do, but you'll be amazed at how it can help.

Don't ever forget, even if you're not part of the problem, you can become part of the solution!